When we learn to truly love we open our
heart to great joy and also great pain.
But that is exactly what God did when He sent His Son to the earth to
redeem us and restore us back to Himself.
He opened His heart to great joy of having people restored to
relationship with Him; but He also opened His heart to great pain; the pain of
having His Son die an innocent death on the cross and the pain of grief over
people who reject His gift.
He loves us so much and as His children He
calls us to that same love, the sacrificial love of giving ourselves for the
interests of others. We cannot do this by our efforts for we cannot truly love
unless we are filled with Him- His grace working His love through us.
He showed me just a tiny piece of this love
He has for us and wants to do through us when He asked me to pursue the
adoption of two precious little girls.
In the early months of last year God was really working in me, helping
me see in a new way His love for me and His grace which gave me a desire to do
something that made a difference for eternity.
At the time I was working as a nanny at a special needs group home in
Guatemala. There were two little girls
in the home that were up for adoption and I felt a very special connection to
them. I began thinking about what it
would look like if I adopted them. As I
kept thinking about the possibility I compiled a list of reasons for not
pursuing the adoption. Later God showed
me that those reasons were invalid and reminded me that He is bigger than all
of my reasons and excuses. I said “yes”
and began the legalities of bringing them home.
Beginning this process I realized that there
were many mountains that God was going to have to move for it to happen but
also recognized that the mountains would give opportunity to see God’s power
and provision. If the terrain is always
flat and easy it is easier to feel self-sufficient. This was an opportunity to grow in trust. Through this process of surrender God helped
me understand better His love for us and I was seeing the evidence of His love
in me. I loved those girls beyond what
“I” could; I cannot take credit for it.
I was seeing God work something in me that I can only give Him glory
for. I began really experiencing the
greatest joy I have ever experienced in walking in God’s will and believing Him
for who He is.
I continued working as a nanny at the group
home where the girls lived, knowing that I was working on adopting them. I never told them that I was trying to adopt
them because it was not final and I did not want to break their hearts if it
didn’t happen, and I am not sure they would have fully understood what it
meant. I began to love them as if they were already my daughters. They held a very precious place in my
heart.
About 4 ½ - 5
months after saying “yes,” a couple would appear that was further along in the
adoption process of the two little girls.
I got the news while my sister and I were visiting in the States in the
fall. I remember the night my mom called
me to tell me the news that someone else was working on adopting the girls. I had to hang up and let my heart pour out in
ugly sobbing. It hurt my heart to think
that these girls may not end up being my daughters and yet I also felt an
overwhelming peace and trust in God’s sovereignty. And just as God always brings the scripture I
need for what I am going through, the next day He led me to Psalm 24 which is a
good reminder of His sovereignty. I knew
God had put the girls on my heart for a reason and knew that if God wanted me
to be the one to adopt them than He would work it out, and if not, He would
help us through it.
At first it looked like the adoption might
be final and the girls would move with their new family before I returned to
Guatemala. As it turned out the adoption
did not become final until a month and a half after I got back to
Guatemala. So I got to see the girls and
spend time with them before they left and we made some more precious
memories. But it was difficult once I
got back trying to figure out what my new role was in their lives when I felt
so much like their mother.
God alone who gave us this love can help us
during the grief. Do I regret allowing
God’s love to move me to love those precious girls? Not at all.
By allowing Him to love them through me I saw His love and His work in
my life. And all this is good! He is working! He knew this was going to happen before He
asked me to step out in faith. And He
knows why. And He knows what He has in
store. And all I can do is trust in His
sovereignty and in His love because He is the only One who knows the whole
story. He did not come to save us so
that we could love people with fleshly love through our own strength. He calls us to a better way. He wants us to allow Him to work His love in
our hearts so that we can love others with His love, as He loved us. A love that gives everything, that
experiences great joy, and that experiences great pain and grief. Experiencing great pain and grief means we
have experienced love. And this is
good. God is not cruel in allowing us to
experience this great pain and grief that comes with true love. His way is always the better way. IT IS GOOD!
On this Valentine's Day (and really every day of our lives) may we not get
wrapped up in the love the world offers but let us embrace the abundant life
God has for us. May we realize His great
love for us and allow Him to work that love in us so that we can love others as
God loves us!
More of the story later!
- Kristin
But by the grace of God I am what I
am, and His grace toward me did not prove vain; but I labored even more than
all of them, yet not I, but the grace of God with me. - 1 Corinthians 15:10
